Summer

Well the kids are out of school and that only gives me the option of two days at the gym. So far it has been good, trying to escape when Alf can help watch the kids, so a class here and there. I have kept up with YOGA at least twice a week, and Pilates once a week along with Lift. Changes are slowly appearing and life is good. I am looking forward to having a set schedule again in the fall. I love love working out 4 to 5 times a week. Do soo well in a class setting. Just posting so I can acknowledge that I am moving and walking quite a bit. Even almost wake boarding....

Accountability

Monday 18, Tues 19, Thurs 21, Friday 22, Saturday 23
Monday 25, Tues 26, Thurs 28, Friday 29,
Monday 1, Tues 2, Thurs 4, Friday 5
Monday 8, Tues 9, Wed 10

Well, since this blog is not working like I intended. I am already in the habit of exercising at least 3 days a week. I still want to walk at least 30 min a day sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't. Having the basic need done, I need to focus now on my eating part of it. I am starting to look at the results. The muscle is getting toned, and the work is done. I need to work at a 200 PERCENT when I am there, so I must make it the best work out of the day. I am doing pretty good, but must improve each day no matter how hard it gets--I guess that is what I want to make the best of the day.
So far so good.

I can honestly say I can see the muscles being defined, I can see my abdomen shrunk quite a bit, and things are moving forward.
It is all good.

Saturday May 16th

Yoga this was amazing and wish I could do it every saturday, but it is a 6 dollar class if I have to bring both kids. Need to figure out how to do it.

Week in review

Saturday--I did not go to Yoga on Saturday...kids had activity at the temple
Monday--I missed YOGA all together, Alexei Drs. Appointment
Tuesday--Manage to go to Pilates (no Judy, now we have ab queen royale...after you are done with her...you are core sore) did weights/step
Wednesday--Got ready to go walking, NEVER MADE IT
Thursday--Doris Gloris, Was late for Lift ended up doing free weights not bad. My neck/back still sore, from Tuesday, I don't think I was ready to do the bar weight...just yet, having hard time sleeping. Pilates GLORIOUS PILATES, THE BASICS, THE HARD MOVEMENTS, THE ALL COMFORTABLE KNOWLEDGEABLE PILATES, I have missed it. It was hard and good.
Friday--Zumba...yeah! It was very good, still feel like I took a couple of years off...feel totally uncoordinated and just a blab...I wonder if really mood, and zest have to do with moving and feeling good. Having no MONEY at all at all...has really hit me hard in attitude and everything.
ps..in case you did not know...I am BROKE bROKE FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER YEAR AND A HALF....IT IS DREADFUL. i NEED TO DO SOMETHING. i NEED MONEY. i NEED SURVIVAL CASH

Dance, more like tumble and mess up

Zumba...I am out of wack or something. I am just not coordinated. I feel ackward. I don't know if my mood is influincing my outlook and sportic efforts.

Doris

Doris is the greatest gal. I am amazed of her strenght and wholeness. She is my age, and I can honestly say we have really gone separate ways. She has one boy 15 years old....and I have two small children. She is built and fit and I am fat and flab. I love to cook and she doesn't cook. Any how, I love lift and pilates, it was awesome.

Walk away

Walk today was only walk.  30. min sounds like nothing, I will probably do eleptical at home. My machine is not working properly, but I feel like I cheated the day, by not doing all I can.

Tuesday Eleptical/Weights

Today was a good day. I went to weights and then ended up doing eleptical since I missed pilates. I was bummed since it was a core/ab super duper workout. Oh well, next tuesday. It was a good work out followed by the awesome steam room.

Yoga outch 4/27-May 1st

Monday I went to Yoga and everything was well; until I hurt my neck....I over did a stretch and it was not good. I continued the class, but with discomfort. At the end, she advised me a few things.
Tuesday--I did not feel like I was up to lifting weights or doing ab/core work at pilates...DID NOT GO
Wednesday--went walking for a 30 min
Thursday--still not good for lift and same as tuesday
Friday-- Just a crapy week. Almost the first time that I don't go to the gym for more than 3 days.
Bummmed

4/20 to 4/26

Monday--Yoga with Geri
Tuesday--Pilates with the ab...queen geez, weights with Stephany
Wednesday....did not walk
We went away to Indio for Thursday and came back Friday (swimming)
NO EXCERCISE ON SATURDAY....

yOGA

Saturday Yoga is hard, because i have both kids and it is just hard to take them to this place, the kids place is outside the gym. I don't think they like it as much in this one. I always love yoga especially with Geri.

Zumba and step

Today I had a great zumba class did a little bit 20 min of steps.

Thursday`

Today was Doris...she is the greatest. I love her lift class and her pilates. It was a good work out, too bad no STEAM! i HATE IT when that happens...but Alexei's early day is today and I just have to go early. Oh well. We did end up going to the lake so we walked it 3 miles...and then we went again half way. It was good being outside with the kids.

Tuesday Pilates

Today Judy was not there, and we had a new teacher and she was sooooooo petit petit and sooo muscular, but not in a bad way, I was just mesmerized by her muscle body. Her legs and arms and abs and the whole works. She looked like she was in her middle forty's and I was just stunned. The amount of strength that she had was amazing to me. She did pilates a la east coast as she said, that they were freakishly rapid, and we in the west coast did pilates freakishly mellow! So she did a lot of exercises that if you saw them you wouldn't think they were hard to do or maintain, but oh boy you started and you were dead. She did a lot of movements like the tiger would do...clutching and just very easy well they look easy, but try to do them and yeah right.....the incredible thing that I find is that you actually do this and you move with your body type of pilates/yoga and the strenght that you require to do it, it is very hard if you are heavy, because you are lifting more weight...seriously it makes you reflect and really wonder why we those of us heavy are heavy and what a lack of respect that is for yourself.....I just need to digest this...and ponder it......Amazing work out.

Monday YOGA

Today I went to the gym and walked for about 45 min and then went to YOGA. I love love love it. It is sooooo hard and I sweated and had a really hard time. This stuff is very hard and tough to do. But sooo rewarding knowing and feeling that you are working your body and becoming alive in some strange way. Wonderful wonderful wonderful.

The rest of the week no show

NO GO ON TUESDAY, WED, THURSDAY OR FRIDAY
Kids had the week off. I did manage to go around town and walk alot, but no real work out. It does hurt not going.

Monday 6th

Today was a glorious day...beautiful. Alexei is a lot better, Jorvik is sick now. I am in hurt too, specially my throat. I did go to the gym and walked/really fast 4.0 1 hour. I ended up going to the steam for about 20 min. It was a good workout day! I was leaving and my favorite yOGA teacher was there, but I did not have the extra hour to stay, Alf had to leave....sooooo SAD! I am becoming a yogi for sure, I just need to mix it with the good healthy eating and I will be set.

Monday30th Week

No computer to logg my exercise daily as I wished, but here it goes....

Monday....no gym
Tuesday....Great Pilates class and Lift Class, Stephany did not show but other teacher sub...she was good.
Wed....Alexei was sick, stayed home all day. (Did not go to school)
Thur...Alexei still sick, no way we could go to gym....snif (Did not go to school)
Fri....Alexei still sick, me sick, and Did not go to school!

April 4th Saturday I went to YOGA what a relief it is and how I love this form of exercise it is amazing how much I get out of it. It is still the hardest thing I've done. I am not even including olympic gymnastics where I was pretty proficient until the age of 17!

Monday-Friday

Monday....I was going to YOGA, but it just did not work out. It was a very stressful weekend and just did not get the time right and Alexei is going to get out of school at 11:15 so this is going to put a damper on all week.

Tuesday...Did go to Pilates (although we had a substitute...hmmmm) and to Weights. This weights are for endurance they are not overload like lift on Thursdays. I should just enjoy it. It is weights...and those are always good for me. I just don't like all the jumping around.

Wednesday...I went walking for 35 min. This is such short time. I don't really think we do justice.

Thursday... I went to Lift and Pilates. This is my favorite day. I love the instructor. She is sooo good and time really goes fast.

Friday...I did not go to the gym today, I wasn't going to be able to go to the whole zumba class...Alexei's early day. Zut, I was really looking forward to it. But I also hate to pay for kids club, and not be there the whole time. OH WELL.

ZUMBA AND BIKE

Today CELEBRATING BOAN'S AND LAURA'S BIRTHDAY.

Went to zumba and it was sooooooo good. Did bicycle for 25 min. Hate not having the computer daily to factor in my moods. I am going to start writing what I eat. That will be frightful.

Monday-Thursday

We got all dressed up to go to the gym...but never got there. I decided we were going to go walking at the track and never made it. I haven't had a computer so I can't recall all the feelings and emotions I've had lately. And frustrations certainly.

Tuesday....Was pilates and weights. It was a very very good class. I felt sore and not very flexible. There are some days that even though you have been steady going to the gym, it certainly feels not.

Wednesday...We ended up walking 2 miles. I wanted to catch yOGA class, but realize I couldn't ...had to pick up Alexei. BUMMER. At least I took the boys to disney and we were there for 5 hours, and that is always a lot of walking, most welcoming. I love love love to go and walk, even if it is strolling sometimes, although with the Boys we are always running to catch another ride.....

Thursday that is today....and we are leaving for weights and pilates. It should be a great day! I love Thursdays.

Thursday....glorious

Thursday did go to the gym. I have no computer to record stuff...so this is way past behind.

Friday was zumba and it was excellent. Judy wasn't there last Friday so it was good to have her back.

Saturday I ventured to YOGA it was excellent. Geri is amazing, and I love what yOGA IS doing to my mind. It is excruciating hard and you can visibly see and feel all the "extra pounds" and makes it very humbling to practice and realize all the WASTE and energy carrying all that fat around. So far, I am still on a war of rebelliousness with myself and food. I don't over eat, BUT I would definitely have to add more salads and veggies to increase my calorie take on the good things, fried things don't go so far in nutrition and are great accumulators of calories....ohhhhhh THIS I know, why I don't follow through....with myself.

Excellent Tuesday

I just love tuesdays. Today I was earlier to Pilates, I decided to leave SET 10 minutes early so I can have some steam, as opossed as missing 15 min of Pilates. Judy is extraordinary. She noticed today that I look slimmer. That is what she said....oh my that was the best compliment I have had in a ton of time. I don't see it, and I haven't lost it in pounds nor inches where it counts, but I do feel my CORE stronger and slimmer in a sense, I guess if i wasn't sooo busty! I could actually fit in my nice blouses by now. This is ridiculous I must put more efffort in the eating part, so that my whole scheme here is to fit in my nice 12 size clothes. Never mind the 8'ts or 10s....just fit in my blazers, and blouses and nice nice linnen pants. I have such wonderful wardrobe. I need to feel inspired more so to do. This little remark by Judy, has made me rethink, that even after all these months, something is happening. something. My posture is definately improved and I feel it. I JUST NEED TO START SEEING MORE RESULTS, and for that i must commit myself to do so.

Set was grueling. I tried to lift to add 2.5 pounds to each side, and I did it, however, it was heavy and uncomfortable. I don't know if I should continue or cry baby and go back. Maybe it is time to really sweat through it which I definately did.

Monday no go....

Why is it that these days are becoming a no go? I couldn't go to the track because it is still cold, and Jorvik still has a runny nose! All my intention was to go to YOGA, but we left too late, there were too many unsettled things...it didn't work out. It was not worth going and paying 3 dollars for just one hour. I should reexamine this, because even though I take advantage of their 2 hours for 3 dollars, I should sometimes take the one hour for the results I will feel. ......

A tough tough saturday

Today I decided to go to zumba right here by the house, I hate that gym, because it is very very crowded, small, low ceilings, and stinky. Well, the desire to loose some calories won me over...so I got there and did pretty good. I always find myself feeling that I am really spoilt with Judy...and I mean, these are younger gals...I guess there is nothing like having experience for something. It made me appreciate all the hard work that they have put in throughout the years to get the caliber of their mastery in teaching. It was good, I was excited to se GERI for Yoga, but she did not show. Instead there was this quiet Asian girl, well well well, not that i judged, but the subs I have had for yOGA, have not been very impressive at all...so it was blown away by this quiet girl. Oh my gosh, you would think your abdomen was going to disappear. Soo tough and good. I am always amazed by the people who practice yoga, how strong they become, it is no feat to be in control of your body through these positions, and I feel foolish on one hand having to do this with soo much belly and extra stuff...fat, but on the other hand can't help by be admired by my determination to still do the practice by carrying soo much weight. What I mean, is that you are holding the pose, and if you are holding your weight to do so, if you have soo much extra weight, that is admirable in away, because it is a very very very tough thing to do with your own 'supposed right weight' as opposed to having more. I felt invigorated and good, after feeling tired and done. It was a great work out, but it made me think of what I need to do to fulfill my goals. Eat healthier! Eat more. I have to eat my three meals and 3 snacks, this is how I lose weight, and I am not doing it. I must try harder.

Today was our monthly anniversary, and Alf did nothing especial! snif.

Judy without Zumba is really not Zumba

Today I was soo excited to go to class, since I miss Judy on Tuesday...but she did not show. The sub was actually quite good, but a couple of notches down on speed. It was a good work out and she was good and pretty and lovely lovely moves. I wished I looked like her, slim, darkbrown curly mid-length hair, and oh well, fit. Geeesss this is when I start debating wether to go and get a chocolate brown color box, and/or to make my appointment for my highlights. Something will have to give and soon. I walked also for 38 min. It was good and then a bit of steam. OHHH YEAH, there is nothing like relaxing after working your body hard.

ps...One thing I really liked from Zumba was a belly dance combined with something you would find in Thailand or maybe in Arabia...It was hard on my muscles, but very rewarding.

YEAH DORIS

Finally it has been at least a week or two since I had taken a class with Doris, My Thursdays are sooo good. She is just an exceptional athlete and sooo happy to have her every week. Her friend subbed, but it wasn't merely as good. So it is good to know when you have a good thing. Lift was awesome. I really love and get enthralled with this class. The whole 50 min are go go go go. It was nice.

Then Pilates, well, just keep doing them, and I am feeling a lot more flexible and I feel good. The bad part is that I am sooo totally aware of all the good benefits I could have been gaining if I had adjusted my eating. It is imperative to do so, because the results could actually be breathtaking. Why am I sooo hesitant to be disciplined? I don't have a problem (obviously I do). I guess I have to figure out my resistance and rebellious behavior.

Wednesday just a walk

Today I just walked and not even fast...with the kids for about 40 min. This whole week so far, has been such a mess. Feel upset for not being able to do what I wanted. Oh hhhhhh well. At least I do have a habit formed!

MONDAY/TUESDAY

These days, I feel very sad and upset. First on Monday, I did everything right, I dressed to exercised, and then found out Jorvik was being difficult, which made me loose the "window time" to go. I was upset, because I was feeling soo ready and energized. The rest of the day was just blah...and never got to go to the track at least...the weather was really cold, and these kids for some STRANGE reason, still have stuffy noses!

Then on Tuesday...OHHHHHHH MY, one of my most favorite days, I left with barely the time to get there, and then when we got there, JORVIK had to go pee and pup, and on top of that, I did not have my TENNIS SHOES.! I could have gone to half of my Pilate's class, but then what? for the other 20 min, because after the whole ordeal, most of the two hour block was gone. I felt frustrated sad, upset, and unequivocally surprised, that all these feelings came about by 'NOT EXERCISING.!'

Well, at least I am on the right frame of mind and exercise for that, no need to work on my brain and on the food I don't want to let go!

Zumba`

I love this class, I know I have said it before but serioulsy if I did zumba 5 days a week, I would be happier than everyone. You sweat like crazy and you love every minute! I am starting to see a little bit of change on my CORE! as they call it, it seems a little tighter...but NEED TO MAKE and do more changes to my diet.!

Thursday no Doris

This day we did not have Doris, it was a shame, I miss her. She is sooo good. Well, I was late for class because I ended up bringing Jorvik so I ended up going to do some weights on the machines...then Pilates was good, but not as good as Doris, I guess you do get used to your instructor.
So all in all, I only probably did a good 1 1/2 work out. Too bad no time for steam. I did not walk yesterday either. I need to walk 35 min each day, no matter what!

Sweating me?

It was a hard day. Judy was not there like usual. We had a sub, she was good, but that is when you realize how lucky you are to have the instructors that you do have. She was very flexible, but with a different style. I have been enjoying my new yoga mat. It is nice to have your little mat. I have been having a hard time lately, I just feel exhausted and tired, and NOT VERY WILLING TO BE JUMPING AND DOING. I stayed for SET again, and this time it felt like it had been years, since I did a cardio/weight class...It only has been a couple of weeks...I was sweating like there is no tomorrow. It was a good workout, nevertheless, it made me feel so conscious about not seeing any results. I know I cannot see any results until I start eating healthier...It is not enough what I am doing. I need to make drastic changes and I am still not willing to do so. I am having a hard time on my personal life and it seems that I am using that as an excuse to eat healthier. It is truly becoming very very clear to me, that this time I am not going to settle for lame excuses, when I AM PUTTING THE HOURS AND THE HARD WORK AT THE GYM. Averaging 4 days a week. I need to be more accountable. It just needs be.

Be willing to feel and sustain the UNCOMFORTABLE

Today our work out had these types of poses I was about to die on some of them. Because not only it is about conquering the pose, is about maintaining it, breathing, and readjusting to perfect it.Sometimes to the point of quiting...On one occasion she said, "yeah just about right now, you are probably going why in the world am I here...you are beginning to feel the heat in your body...discomfort...don't fight it...embrace it..."There was one pose most of these, I can do to a certain extent, but nothing like the picture, at least I feel happy that I try it, even if it is for a milimimisecond...This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, I mean as a small girl, Gymnastics did not seem so hard AND I was good. Granted I was right on the lighter side...I am hard on myself But this practice of Yoga wants me to get back to basics, back to my normal weight...back to a life that I can manage, at one point on one of the poses, she was saying things so spiritually bound, that I started tearing up. From frustration and from giving in to acknowledge like she said, YOGA humbles you! And that truly truly happend.

Friday Zumba.....

Today I was excited go to the gym, since i skipped doing anything wednesday and thursday. I was just not feeling good. Although Thursday I did not have a car, I would have gone to pilates and lift...but that is life. Zumba was good today...I had invited my belle soeur, but just never really got together....so eventhough I did not stay for the other extra hour, I am feeling better. Not super but better.

Tuesday 17

I got to use my YOGA mat again, and i love love love it. It is wonderful to have your own little pad. Class was hard and I really had a hard time, since I've had this throat issue...it was not fun. I decided not to stay for SET...because I just felt exausted...Went to the steam a little bit and then packed it up.....it is not fun feeling sick. OHHH I did walk a couple of miles....I was exhausted for sure

Monday...back on business

Today it is pouring rain. Sooo cold and damp. I left for 8 am YOGA. It was glorious. Doris was not there, but the girl was good. I was sooo stiff. I could hardly make any pose. I had a hard time holding them. This is what I refer to exercising after a week of fun. Gosh, I need to get back into the groove of things. To me it is not hard going every day, is that I feel a duty being at home and fixing breakfast for my parents and that is why I missed some days. I did miss going every day. So this is a good thing.
Afterwards, I walked 4.0 speed for 45 minutes. GRUESOME. I was feeling stiff and uncomfort on my lower back, but I kept it going. I ended up relaxing in the STEAM ROOM for 25 minutes. It was intense, to cool off, I walked outside with the rain, and went under the cold shower, a couple of times, The steam was SOOOOO STEAMY....these guys over here, like it steamy so they make it steamy--by pouring water in it. I am grateful for that! What a fantastic day, although I feel so sour all over, still battling the cold and have succeeded thus far.!

Friday....the start of a lazy week

Friday...no zumba...my mum is in town
Sat...did not even walk.
Sun...again! I was supposed to start at least walking 30 min on the weekend....argh
Monday...Hung out with my parents
Tuesday Did GO TO PILATES AND SET...good job. A bit to the steam.
Wednesday...Hung out with my parents
Thursday...Drs. Appointment for Jorvik...Parents left....snif. snif.
Friday did go to ZUMBA....Wonderful, it was sooooo good, and walked for 30 min.
Saturday, Failed attempt to go to Zumba and Yoga...Our truck was egged....so it distracted me from going to the gym..had to clean the car.--HAPPY VALENTINES

A week in review.

1 hour only?

Today was a disappointment. I did not get to go to LIFT and I love love love to have tone body muscles...and since they are not totally toned YET or they are, but there is too much SUGAR COATING THEM! I need to do these as much as possible. So I was bummed and thinking it was not even worth going because I couldn't stay the two hours...Alexei's short day is today, so even with all the sweetness of lift and Pilate's...I can't enjoy the steam! So I went any way...Thinking well, too bad just go and enjoy. So I did and I am sure glad I did; Afterwards, I talk to Doris and told her of my disappointment for missing her first hour class...and she said, Well I am glad you chose this one out of the two, because this is much much much better for you in the long run than the other one. She also in class was saying how Pilate's is really a prevention class or like physical therapy without having to have Dr. Slip...Either excellent to prevent injury or to work through one. I thought that was really good and insightful. Because it is, you are moving and straightening all the little muscles as they call them, that sustain your core, your whole body. Excellent...Alf called as I was pulling Jorvik out of the kids club, to tell me I had another 45 min to do something...I though first of going to the aerobic...but ended up going to the steam! GLORIOUS. GLORIOUS...They put a lavender scent in there too, so that makes it even more dreamy.

PS...I did do step master for 9 minutes...Before class. I should get on that machine more often again!

Walking with purpose

Well, Wednesdays I usually went to the track, but It has been cold, so we are going to the gym. This time, I figured I could walk on the treadmill and have liked the opportunity to walk faster...making myself go faster. It is not easy and very demanding, and it seems more like a power walk. I still like to do walking outside 35 min, but have not been able to manage it 7 days a week as I could have liked. I am averaging 4 times a week if. So today, I ventured again in running a bit! Oh MY! This time I went all the way to 5.5 for 1 minute instead of 5.0 for 2 minutes. I guess the combinations are limitless and I can do whatever feels good or not..should I say. The only real thing, is that I should be pushing myself A LOT MORE than I have been on my free range days, as i call them, when I don't have class. The perfect combo would be Yoga with these days, but on Wed...is at 12:00 and there is not enough time to get Alexei and stay at the gym 2 hours...because the kids club closes at 1...go figure. 24 HOUR FITNESS NOT! That is if you are a mum! They only have slots at 8 to 1 and 4 to 8. Oh well...being the morning person I am, I much rather get it done early than not!...Too many people at night.

Walked and Run

Today I did it again. I couldn't go to Pilate's as usual or SET, because we had Alexei's Dentist appointment at 9 am. I don't know what I was thinking when I set it up...School day? But I guess since it was a new Dentist and they were allowing us to be part of his dentist family...I would have done anything. It was a real surprise to see he was a good Dentist, not very young and very thorough...It seems. So I ended up going to the gym late afternoon. Alf was home doing homework, so I took the opportunity to go and listen to the radio and finally eat my hamburger, or then I thought go to the gym. So I ended up walking 4.2 miles. This time I sped up the velocity for running. I ran 5 times for 2 minutes. This time I ran at 5.5 which was a big stretch from 4.5. It was tiring. I can do pretty good 1.2 minutes, but barely finish the 2.0 minutes without wanting to quit right away. I started thinking why I am sooo bothered with the uncomfortable feeling. I should see the biggest looser each week, and be inspired to see HOW they press them and want them to go beyond what they would do on their own. I want to try that. I want to be pushed beyond my comfort zone. So this was good. I was surprised, I wanted to try it. I was pleased with the discomfort that I felt, and by the way burned 400 calories. This calorie business doesn't really interest me. If I work hard, I probably don't think twice in going to in and out for a burger right after the work out. I need to change this...This is why I am heavy. I don't see a consequence in in taking all those calories that supposedly are soo bad for you. I am tired. I want to lose all this weight and I know how to do it, but surprisingly I am FIGHTING IT ALL THE WAY. I think if I had already lost all the weight I could be really good in maintaining the weight with all the workouts I do. But I need to realize that either I push HARDER or start eating a lot less...because this is going to be the status quo for ever. Things won't change they will only remain. The thought of having fat go to my organs is not a fun one. Maybe I should think of this, I don't know if I am at that point, but if it is happening to the people in the biggest loser, it could happen to me. This should make me want to do something more aggressively. So, so far the only aggressive step I am doing is actually avoiding burgers and started running. Not bad. For some kind of epiphany.

The STEAM ROOM was glorious! OHHHH SO GLORIOUS! Good thing, I had my bottle, because as soon as I got in there, I started it. It was soooo foggy...that when the 4 guys came in, I did not even noticed them from all the FOGGY STEAM AROUND. Yes, this is how steam rooms should be. I was happy as happy can be. So happy I had to exit a couple of times to get some COLD water going. This is what a good work out should be? I am thinking I need to be getting alot more tired at work outs to make me feel happy and to know that I am pushing hard enough.

Perplex.

Today I rushed over to the beach gym and wanted to take Doris Yoga class. It is at 8 AM so I rushed as fast as I could only to find, that it was packed. I hate low ceiling rooms and packed. It is not good. Well, there was a little space between the water fountain and the bikes...I did not have time to get a mat, but ended up finding a comfy place. For the first time in all my YOGA experience, I was not the only chubby girl there. There was one just as fluffy as me right in front of me. It was okay, except that she was right lass="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">infront and directly infront of the instructor's view. So it is not that I was trying to see her all the time...It might have come across as this, but I was trying to see Doris to get the poses. I was also on view in the mirror. I TRY TO AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS. I just don't like seeing me the way I look. Sadly, they are always telling us, check your form...bla bla bla...especially with Pilate's and Yoga, since it is in a GYM setting, they say it is a lot more beneficial than in their STUDIOS, because there is a lot of mirror area in this gym setting. So I was forced to see my poses at times, and the glimpse of me looking at me, was horrid. Well, it is not that bad, except that I AM FAT. I know I am, but one thing is to know it, and another one is to see it. The pose that bothers me the most is that when you sit with your legs straight and you at a 90 degree angle, you have to sit as tall as you can, and that is when you see...how much extra stuff I have. It was disgraceful! I think I want to do protein days right away. I have been having a hard time starting my 10 week program...and the best is to start with the 3 protein days...but I am feeling and being d="SPELLING_ERROR_6">sooo REBELLIOUS, that just looking at it, makes me want to do it. So Yoga went by and then I proceeded to go walking. I ended up walking 4.0 speed for 1 hour. I walked 4 miles and for the first time in a threadmill, I RAN. I RAN. I RAN. I RAN. I RAN. Yes, 5 times I ran for 2 minutes at 4.6. This was major for me, in that I don't think I can run. I don't like the feeling, specially of my butt going up and down. OHHH MY! I just feel my breath goes array and I am dying. So all in all, I was impressed with the tiredness of this work out. I was soooooo READY for the STEAM ROOM. It was soo good, that I ended up staying in there for 30 min.

I feel proud of myself for pushing me a little bit more. I think this is the way I should go. In class, I am trying to do better and follow everything trying to not quit by number 8 instead of all 10...but here I was pushing myself by myself. Impressive. Maybe I can do this more often.

I love to dance

Today Zumba was packed it seems there is more girls coming each week. There are a couple of ones that are soooo fit that look so young from behind and then they turn around and they are probably in their late forties. Then there is this girl all the way to the other side, where I usually don't go, and she looks like a 17 year old from behind, but Oh my....goodness...when she turned around, I wouldn't doubt she was in her 60ties. Seriously. I am amazed at all these older women that look soooo great. I just want to be one of them. Today in particular there was one girl, that probably reminded me of Robyn, Jill's sister, really athletic and even though it was her first time there, she was as energetic and as engulf in the whole dance moves as could be. She was very quick to grasp the dance and it seems she knew a lot of the steps, plus her little soul to it, that made her equally as good as the instructor. I think it was inspiring and wished that after my four months attending I could do at least a little bit of how this girl went. She was good! I love to move and I love the choice of music that she has. It is sooooo good. I love it. I love that I sweat! I love that I burn so many calories and it is fun, and it goes soo fast. Suddenly the 60 minutes are over. Afterwards, I ended up going to a new Gym (I had a new visit us for one day! pass) well, it wasn't ready yet, by the time they showed me all the installations...or I should say all the machines and see the pictures of the SPA that I was supposed to test! I just should have said that I was interested in seeing the SPA part of the gym only and probably get a raincheck to visit them again. All I got was their introductory offer and paper work. Argh.

Thursday with Doris

I love Thursdays, specially because I get to do weights, but without any launches or stepping up here and there. I do like SEP the one where you do steps plus launches with weights, but lift is definitely better. It was a bitter day because I couldn't stay in the steam, since it is Alexei's short day and we had to run back to pick him up. So...so much for work out. It was just that work...and no fun at the end with the steamy room...sniff.

Pilate's was hard for me today, for some reason, I just had a hard time trying to do all the exercises...swimmer, usually I can do it really good for all ten counts, but by 6 I was giving up with the arms...This is the coolest, but the hardest sometimes. I do enjoy Pilate's it is a good thing.

Wednesday was a good day

Today I went walking. I only walked 2 miles, but it was a good walk. It seems that Jorvik is not going to get better any time soon, and it is too cold for us to go to the track. Too late to go to Yoga or any other class, so 2 miles will have to do.

Tuesday

Today was good I did 1 hour of Pilates and 1 hour of weights. I was not very strong for weight class, I don't know what happend, but the good news is that time flew. It really did, and then it was glorious time for the Steam and Jacuzzi. I did those two for 15 min. What I was in heaven, why does it have to end?

Yoga with Ocean View?

Today I decided to try Doris Yoga 8 AM class by the beach. Alf was okay with Jorvik because he had to do homework so it was green light for a couple of hours. I got there at 9:10...STILL managed to be late, I think is because I love to hear Rush's opening remarks each day...that, that is the reason. Well, it was cancelled. Tell me about it. I was so excited...needless to say, I ended up looking for an aerobic apparatus. So the only one available was a bicycle. It was okay, not my first choice, but the place was packed. Literally packed like sardines. I think it had to do with all the overflow from the class. Well the amazing thing, is that this is the first time I come to this gym. This is where Alf hangs out most of the time. IT HAS AN OCEAN VIEW! Yes, it was sooo nice to be there (they have the same view my parent's house has, except for the golf course, but it was sweet! I did bycicle for 48 minutes and then did 17 min on the treadmill, I was going to do like 30 but I kept pressing buttons and trying to figure out a good work out that on the end, they had a STOP button on the middle of the arm (hand rail) so it stop ed abruptly and I couldn't be more happy! I was out of there...looking for the steam! Well, they have a awesome pool outside, it was chili this morning 45 degrees so smoke/hehe he was coming out of the pool...steam! there were a couple of people there, I would have wanted to jump right in, but can you imagine 60plus pair of eyes on my heavenly body!, now, if it was heavenly I probably wouldn't have minded, but it was not. So I found the steam and it was GLORIOUS, YES SOOOOOOO STEAMY you couldn't see the persons in there. They were right in front of the view, so AS THE STEAM DISAPPEARED and the people with it...I could see the ocean. I knew I could start up the steam by pouring some water, after all the bottle was right there, but I was waiting for someone else to come in and do it. I just don't understand why they don't have it running all the TIME. In Mexico at the country club, they did, it was always STEAMY and it was always packed, I guess that was the difference, here since they are not filled all the time constantly, they program it to keep some people kind of happy and those that are not, find ways to steam it up! So I was soo hot from being in there, that YES, I walked outside and jumped in the POOL! What a little heat will do to you! It was good, except that I was hoping for the water to be freezing at this point, and it was kind of warm...oh well. When I returned to the steam room it was roaring again! GOOD thing for bright men. I was a fabulous day of work out, even though I missed the whole YOGA for the week probably!

Saturday????

Yeah, I remember, last Saturday I wanted to add another zumba class to the week, but Alf left to exercise and I couldn't go. So this day, I woke up at 9! Well actually got up...I have been up since 7ish...but realized I wanted to be in class. So I went to the gym that is right by my house...I do not like it one bit. The exercise classroom is sooo ugly and the ceiling is soo low. Any how, the class was packed and I loved that I sweat ed like a pig, probably because it was sooo packed and ventilation were not good, but the teacher is not even close to Judy and her music...OH MAN! I am sooo lucky to have a fantastic Zumba class, so this is the second one so it will be good, but wish I could do zumba with Judy every day! That would be awesome.

Afterwards, I called Alf to see if he wanted to go to Yoga and we would switch the kids, but he had just had breakfast, so I stayed. I have done Yoga with Gerri all the times I have gone, except for one that I did with Doris, and it was soo fantastic to be with Gerri again. I think I like her, because she is good and pushes you to do soo much than you can possible think. She always remarks that it is better to try and do the pose and even if it is uncomfortable but OHHHH SOOO GOOD for your body. She is so knowledgeable about it, and I was trying hard. I caught myself many times today, thinking OHHH THERE IS NO WAY I CAN DO THAT! And I would not try. I stoped myself and even she would say don't just go through the motions, engage and do. So I was trying to do even if it was for brief moments. It came to my mind all the gymnastics I did for years and years, and how I have all the knowledge to do the back flips, the cartwheels without hands, I know I can do it, but fear, because of all the weight I have; and good thing is to fear, because it is real. So when she said we are going to do a head stand....I thought, OHHHH My, I have done those all my life, and handstands too! I lived in my handstands all the time, probably since i turned 7 until the age of 17! I was on my head or my hands....but OHHHHHH NO! Your wit tells you, oHHHH NO! you CAN'T AND YOU SHANT! So I prepared...and got probably to steps 3 out of 7 but could not do it, or I feared to try. The good thing is that we were supposed to only try heading up towards that... I realized I was incompetent, but not for long, until i DECIDED to TRY and try and try until I can achieve. So this is a goal of mine, I am giving me a YEAR to try and do this that seems so natural in my other life. Yoga was very good. Very mind engaging, very much so. I want to be in charge of my body and I want to communicate with it and be in zinc. I find myself becoming more flexible and even think my little large tummy is giving a bit away! Could it be? It really can. Faith. That is what I need.

YEAH JUDY

I love love love zumba. I love that the hour goes sooo fast and that I sweat like a pig. I think I burned 700 calories this time. I am only guessing because there is another girl that is heavy as me. However, I think this time she is a bit more than me, and she bought this device that she puts on her arm, and it tells her how much she is burning, and I am assuming that since i am a little lighter, maybe 30 lbs...or who knows..maybe not. I must be around the same neighborhood. Well, it is excellent and I love it.
Afterwards, I did not take my bathing suit to swim some laps, I have giving up a bit in this department as there are sooo many people there at the time I have to be there, so I ended up going upstairs to the tread mil. I have been wanting to get on the step master, but feel I have to put my walking first. So for the second time this week...I must have done walking on Wed....I can't remember....but I put speed on 4 and that is insane. I have never done more than 3.2 or 3.4, but I wanted to see if I could handle it. Well, I was practically cursing the whole time to myself, thinking how can this be, bla bla bla. Well, I walked 2 miles exactly in 30 min. Does that mean that in real life there is no way I will ever walk them that fast? I don't think I can walk that fast unless I was insane. It is tooo fast... I almost wanted to run... and the thought of running made me realize I could walk it.
I was excited to relax in the steam, since I had not been there at all, all week...and it was broken! How can that be. They said it broke because people pour water in the motor...well, if they kept it up really really hot there wouldn't be a necessity to do so. So I had to settle with the sauna it was good, but it was filled with men, I don't really mind it, except that I couldn't lay down like I usually do in the steam. Good heavens.

Ms. DORIS

I love this instructor too. She is my age, and sooooo athletic. I want to be like her, but I am not willing to eat like her. This is the main problem...I am not scared to commit my time and energy to exercise, but I am finding it extremely difficult to get disciplined in my eating. I realize it is not that hard, but I am finding out ways to sabotage myself more than ever before. Why is it, that this is happening, it is not even as if I am giving up caviar and champagne...or is it? I got late to LIFT and that makes me tremendously upset and the class was overflowing today! why? There were no heavy weights or hand held weights...and ended up getting the big ones you add to your bar weights...so it was kind of cumbersome. I should take mine in case....Well this was the first time there were ANY at all...I was bummed because today Alexei gets out early so no time for SAUNA OR STEAM! The cherry on top for me!

Pilate's was extremely good and difficult today, we have been making some maneuvers that entail lifting your TAIL! Well, is where you lay down and then lift your but and the lift a foot and leg up and then the other leg...it is extremely difficult with all this extra weight I am carrying around, specially in that area...so I get discouraged easily and find myself trying to find pity with myself, and i can see this cycle coming throughout my life...so instead of not even trying I am trying even if it is for microseconds. I keep thinking about the biggest looser, which I missed this week, but these trainers kick their butt and I have to get bitchy like that with myself. So I will not give up easily and I will try to do it, even if for brief moments.

Wednesday is going to be 4 again!

I want to get back to the track on Wednesday, but it has been soo cold and rainy that I haven't gone back. Jorvik has been sick and not quite well yet. I think I get more upset by not walking and doing, than by feeling sorry for myself. All in all, I did not move and that makes me moody!

Tuesday is always fun

I love Tuesday's Pilate's and Weights. I was committed to going but I was distracted with the inauguration. I wanted to tape it and then savor it later, but then I did not leave. I decided to go when it was too late and not worth going to class just to warm down. So I decided to call Davey since he works close by to see if he wanted to have some late BRUNCH. We met a Costco and it was a really nice visit. I was bummed I did not do any physical exercise, but I had enough mental that day.

I find myself feeling upset when I don't do my routine, however I do welcome the change of having a lax time...but I guess I am just excited to be excited about moving my body all ways.

Monday again?

Wow...Today I had high hopes to go to Yoga at 8 am...but being a holiday and stuff...I ended up wanting to leave and nothing. I decided to go walking and only did 30 min. I will be excited to do yoga on Mondays. I want to be steady so I can incorporate Yoga every week. It has been a tremendous thing, trying to do poses and figure out how to be okay with being uncomfortable. For sure a learning experience.

I did not do anything on the weekend. Well we walked a lot but in a casual setting. I haven't been keeping up with the 35 min every single day. Need to recommit to it, having been doing 3 days maybe.

Friday. YOGA? Yes!

Today I found out that Judy was not going to be teaching so ZUMBA is not a go! So I was looking into what other class I could do. I found out that Doris teaches Yoga and Pilate's today again. Well, I seriously consider going to Yoga, I do not love it while I am doing it, I find it extremely difficult but I find that it is the best best best thing I can do for myself and still regret and miss all the years I could have done it. I was totally excited to do it with Doris. She always has a more athletic take on it, as she says it. So she had told me come early, because it gets full. OH MY GOSH, I came late on purpose, because I did not want to take any one's spot of a "regular." This is how twisted my brain is. Seriously. So I went early to walk on the treadmill which I PUSHED MYSELF for one of the firsts times. I usually do a 3.5 on the velocity, well ended up doing a 4.1 unheard of in me for a long long time. I think I even walked 2 miles in 25 minutes. Wow. That is a good thing. So I was all sweaty to go downstairs to a full class, any how, I was right next to the door in one of the ugliest, filthiest mats I have ever seen. I felt like the Matt too..I had not shaved in weeks, and probably my pits where not ready for a tank top debut here any how...but I had been soo sweaty from walking that I ended up taking it off. I was sooooo SELF AND BODY CONSCIOUS, I usually don't get this way. I usually let it slide and go about my business, but being in such proximity of GLORIOUS CALIFORNIANS, whether they are or are adopted, everyone in there looked soo buffed and fit. Gosh, I am scarily so looking like the biggest looser contestant. Any how, I got siked and when about it. I try to do the poses to the best of my abilities. Always doing a little bit more than I could, or at least trying it. Doris was sooo pleased when she saw me there, and was encouraging to me. I felt compassion from her and wanted to try harder. Compassion in a good way. So at the end of the class I was excited to be over with, but at the same time, really excited to have gone to her class. The other Yoga teacher is really good to, but I find her more energizing more simple cut. I don't know I guess it is different in a good way. The good news is that she teaches this Yoga class on Monday's and I don't have a schedule Monday class per say--other than that other yoga class, but this would work out better, because she teaches Monday at 8 AM. So I could take Alexei to School and then swing to the other gym that is by the beach and just go to the beach with Jorvik for a couple of hours just him and me. That would be wonderful for him...Since he loves the beach as much as I do. So at least for now, that is the plan. I loved the idea of relaxing in the steam again. Too bad I only have a window of 10 minutes today...and usually I only have 20 min. I wish I could stay longer between the jacuzzi, Steam and Sauna at least a 45 min ordeal would be just icing on the cake after two hours of exercise...Too bad it is not possible. Then it would seem like I was really having the life, so here I only get a little taste of the LIFE (meaning a mindless trip to the spa...per say). So 15-20 min will have to do. You see, I am doing it again, focusing on the thing I don't have and not enjoying what I did have. But when Alf comes and says, after working out 1 1/2, I was in the steam for 45 min and did not want to get out...Then those feelings surge up....

PS...Doris, did remark on how good I did my poses, and that she was seriously impressed by my efforts and results. Now, that is a good compliment to carry me for the next week. She was leaving to a weekend at the spa in the dessert with her girlfriends...NICE, and started class saying she had been playing GOLF in Pebble Beach....NICE! Nice, that is really nice--wished I was one of her girlfriends too!

Thursday my favorite day

I just love this day. I was ready to go and do weights. I think I love the instructor too. She is petite and soo in shape and has muscles like I wish I did. She is fantastic and I love her style. So I weighed and then relaxed kind of doing Pilate's ala Doris, that is her name, she is my age, and sadly I don't have anything to show for it--physically speaking. Except a posture that I have developed over the last 3 months, and kind of like strings holding my head back, my shoulders, and my back. It is wonderful she plays music to her class and gives options as what to do if the exercise is too hard. Then the coveted time at the steam. Sooo relaxing. I think though, that time is coming where I have not overlapped the eating part with the exercise part and this is when I start thinking of all the reasons why I am not making any progress and starting to feel sorry for myself. I am smart enough now to see and recognize the cycle. I am not going to get pushed into feeling my worth by how I look. True, seriously, there are very few fat girls in the gym. I can probably count them with my fingers and toes. Nevertheless, I won't see any results if I DO NOT EAT RIGHT. PERIOD. I must come to terms with this, because this is what is causing all the problems. Or the problem. Not ready to talk about this, but the fact of the matter is that the more I am trying to commit to this, the more resistance I am finding from no other than my BRAIN helped and in cahoots with my mouth. So there. Thursday was glorious in that I am liking the exercise part and I am not doing it begrudging so...

Wednesday no go

Sniff sniff sniff.....Today I was to walk 4 miles, but unfortunately Jorvik still has congested chest and cough....It was too cold in the morning to go out, then in the afternoon it was WAY TO HOT for the track///no shade...And in the afternoon the winds picked up and it was chili for him to go out...Excuses well yes, but this time, I was upset I could not go. Really and truthfully.

Tuesday 13

This is my most favorite day. I love love love the Pilate's class and enjoy it thoroughly. I love love the instructor and it is just marvelous what good it feels to have a hard core....not that I have it, and good posture, I am working hard for it! So afterwards it was weights with aerobic exercise...it was good, I decided to not just go through the motions but actually push myself to try and do everything exactly as instructed. It is hard, I just want killer arms, and abs, and buts and everything. Go figure this is not going to happen, when after wards I go and get a meximelt at taco bell... not all the time, but it does happen when I don't have breakfast...a big NONONONONONONO in my book. I love love breakfast so I will carry some almonds and an apple to eat right after class...the instructor told us is the best time to eat, because your body is depleted of carbs, and it needs fuel...so I even figure, YEAH this is the right time to eat a whopper! Because it will burn it immediately....you see this is why I am not pencil thin. So I will pack this things to eat while I drive home to pick up Alexei, because this is when it is easy to pick something up for me and then go and feed them at home...Why it is that I don't want to be fed at home, I think this is where my KEY to my body Figure figures...enough for now, later some more thoughts. I love love love the steam. Can't get enough and the best part is getting all the way laying down to the wall and lifting my legs up for 15 min. The best circulation exercise for varicose veins, and all good things for your body and legs, which TRULY needs it. I love this part of the work out it makes me feel like I did good.

I HAVEN'T WALKED TODAY! i NEED TO DO THE 35 MIN. when? shOULD HAVE GONE THIS MORNING.! yOU SEE don't leave for later what you can do NOW!

Monday 12

Today I was going to go to the track and walk my four miles, but sadly Jorvik is not feeling good to be outdoors yet, since it is still quite chili...So I MISSED MY WALK! This was a horrible thing. I do not like it one bit. Feel like I cannot possible miss on the week at least.
Ended up not being a lot of cardio, but I went to YOGA. I think this is the best class I can do for my life. I wished I started it 10, 20 years ago. As much as my mum talked about it and its benefits, I feel ashamed,bad, and just mad that I missed this. Kind of the same feeling I had when I did not start my 401K by 20 years, instead of late 20ties. The same feeling of kind of regret. The good thing, is that it is never too late to start and the teacher is just superb. She has this amazing voice and very wise. Telling you, you will pay sooner or later, but you will pay, so it is better to go through the uncomfort of sustaining positions that allow your body to become strong than to eventually have aches and pains...later in life. AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING. I am becoming more flexible...unbelievable....since I still have a huge bulge in the vientre, the but and the boobs...how is that....How can it not be. So this was glorious. killer, but glorious.

Now there is a pose that i just could not do...I think I was afraid of my knees or I was just afraid of not being able...I don't know but you are supposed to sit on your buttocks while your legs are back like a frog and then you actually lay back or even lay back all the way on your back............SERIOUSLY i DO have a cushy but that did not allow for this...this is times when I do feel like the marshmallow from ghost busters.......arhhhhhh I will do this, even if it takes me all YEAR!

Saturday/Sunday 10/11

NO WALK! Shame on me, the only one I did was the red carpet for the Golden Globes, having some cheetos for a snack...What a combo!

Zumba, my favorite part of the week

I love love love love love this. I wished I had a zumba class every day of the week, the work out is unbelievable and I sweat soo much and drink water constantly...besides the fact that I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Who said Asian women, had no rythm....I mean, this petit, slim girls have a movement going there, I mean, I am latin and have supposedly some and dancing to salsa, merengue, cumbia, zamba, etc., I would think! I love belly dancing too, we did some and i guess THE sad part is that I actually have a belly and it moves like a belly...OH DEAR! Where is I dream of Jennie....So Zumba yes indeed.

Oh and yes, I did have my 35 minutes of a brisk walk.

Thursday 8th

Today most of the day started with the wrong foot, well actually I did get in my 35 min walk. A must for this year. Daily I hope. Well, I was late for my lift class, which made me sniff....But Alf encouraged me to go to Pilate's even though I did not get my double dose--in a sense...I did venture out to the machines by myself. Thanks to Alf in some guidance he gave me on day I did end up doing like 10 machines with 10 repetitions three times....Exhausting, I did enjoy the steam room afterwards. Glorious.

Did get my 35 min walk too! This is a good thing.

Wed Walk

Walk was a brief walk but 2 miles are 2 miles. Intended to go to the track, but little guy still has fever and it is very cold....so well, tomorrow it will be good.

Happy Kings Day...Dia de Reyes! oh and the CARROT is back

Well, I started my year today, after a fail attempt yesterday to go to the gym at rush hour. I thought driving down there, what am I doing? First it is 5:15pm...and it is the new year, the gym is going to be pack, specially if all I wanted to do was walk or do stairmaster....crazy. I was missing my phone in a bag of messes, so ended up cleaning the car in front of taco bell...the lighting is fabulous...is next to loewes, so it took me a good hour and then I stop by to get a taco...perfect combo for the supposed work out I was to do. It has been to cold to go to the track with Jorvik...he has been under the weather for a couple of weeks. Took him to the Doctor's today and apparently he is getting through it.
So today I got back on track with Pilates, what in heaven's happend. I really noticed what I did over the holidays, for sure, I got a bulge next to my upper thigh, because this time when we were supposed to stack up our thighs in a linear manner....well, let me just tell you, I was rolling forward and backwards, forget trying to put your leg frontward for two counts and backward for two counts....gees.........yes, Well, now at least I am not in denial. I know what I must do to do this exercise without any wobbling.
STEP was good, although all those launches, I must start looking at them with love, because if they are sooo good for your body, then I will embrace them, instead of getting soo pissy every time we have to do them, 2/3 of the class. The steam was extremely nice after such a long brake. Thank goodness this is my cherry on top of all the suffering.
ps...I saw the biggest looser for the first time, and I was IN SHOCK! Seriously...where in the world am I hiding 90 lbs.....since I see myself and don't see big huge bulges, maybe this is a wake up call....loving those launches, and those carrot exercises....and many more good things...

Oh one of my goals is to walk 35 min, regarless of gym work out....or track walking....did them yesterday, today so so far soo good.